Sunday, April 27, 2008

Momentum... a....HALT! Once an erratic blip on the radar, beaming red, traversing miles, intersecting frequently with other beeping, buzzing noisy blips on their own trajectories, I have arrived to a central location, dissolving from the screen, an explorer finally forced to explore a place far more overwhelming and menacing than the beautifully chaotic and uncertain great-big-world.


People often wonder how I have no fear when it comes to hopping on a plane and heading off to some faraway place where I don't know a soul, my fate reliant on the kindness of strangers.

Truth is, that kind of not knowing is exciting, fun, character-building - preferable to the kind that breaks me down: the very real, looming fact of not knowing what to do with myself.

So what AM I doing with myself? I'll bite off anyone's head who asks me.

But really, my news is that in the immediate future I am going to work at a summer camp in Spain in June; my last Hurrah in my complete "year of travel". I will have temporarily satisfied my desire to see the world (although let's never forget there's much, much more of it for me to see), but I won't have accomplished my other quest to find answers. With all the traveling I've done, you think I'd learn something about direction.

Well I haven't, so come September, I'll likely go crawling back to DC and continue to search for answers from within the walls of a small cubicle, which, I've determined, is actually slightly better than doing a whole-lotta-nothing here in Baltimore. Maybe that's the answer for right now...the slap in the face I've needed all along - that doing something, even if it's not exactly what you want to be doing, is better than doing nothing at all!

Either way, don't lose hope on me just yet. There's one more trip in the works, one more burst of momentum, excitement... and then maybe... just maybe, I'll be ready to settle.

And then there's always old photos and videos:

Enjoy. I know its kinda cheesy, but this is what you get when living in a sparsely decorated, single-lightbulb bedroom at the ends of the earth with no TV, phone or internet and basic Mac programs for entertainment. Man, do I miss it!

1 comment:

Tia said...

I found a quote you may like:
"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it."
- Garrison Keillor